“Till death do us part….”
The wedding vows are one of the most beautiful words you could ever hear, so promising and brimming with love and gaiety.
Marriage is often considered synonymous with happiness and harmony. When couples decide to knot themselves in the bond of matrimony, they do so with great zeal and passion, expecting to live a life of harmony and love together.
But marriage is not all about love and happiness some marriage is miserable. It’s a bond that comes with a responsibility and commitment to stand by your significant other in the face of the most difficult situations. The marriages that are tagged “happy” are not always overflowing with moments of happiness and joy. They are the ones where couples go through some rocky phases of life, but still decide to stick to each other.
An unhappy marriage, on the other hand, could be overwhelming. But what exactly makes a marriage an unhappy one? how to survive in an unhappy marriage? It can be the following reasons,
- Absence of love between the partners
- No respect for each other
- Lack of communication
- Any form of abuse (verbal, physical, or emotional)
- Financial problems
- Personality clashes
- Unsorted out priorities in life
And this is not it. The list can go on and on. But, despite the differences and troubles, married couples can still seek harmony out of an unhappy marriage and survive in it. How? Let’s take a look at some tips that you can follow to fix your marriage.
1. Take a step back and disengage yourself for a while
The first thing you need to do to survive in an unhappy marriage is to create space between you and your partner for a while. Living day in and day out with a partner you don’t feel fulfillment with can be devastating. Detaching yourself from your spouse for a bit will allow you to ease the stress and give you both time to think rationally without ending up in another fight.
Withdrawing for a couple of days will also help you calm your nerves and focus on your own emotional and mental well-being. Being absent from each other’s life will also make you realize the significance both partners hold in each other’s life, which can be a marriage savior.
2. Find the goodness in your spouse and hold fast to it
Nobody can be entirely bad, no matter how toxic they feel to you. There is always something good that you can find in a person. Find that goodness in your spouse and appreciate them for it. Not only that, try to convince your mind and bring it around into believing the good parts of your spouse.
Amidst all the quarrels and differences, you may have lost sight of that goodness. But it does not mean the virtue has ceased to exist. You just have to look for it again. Think about the things you considered while marrying them. This will help bring back love into your unhappy marriage and give you something to hold on to.
3. Try to forgive, forget and move on
Remember, your spouse is just a normal human being, capable of making mistakes and committing blunders. It is essential to forgive them for their shortcomings. In forgiving and forgetting, you will not only pardon them for their inadequacies, but you will also relieve yourself of any unnecessary resentments and grudges. These resentments, if not forgotten, can consume you and your relationship.
When you move on from a fight and not let it get the better of you, you prove that the relationship is more important. It also helps your spouse to embody a similar attitude towards you. Moreover, forgiving, forgetting, and moving on help keep depression and anxiety at bay, which can otherwise lead to a more emotionally strained marriage.
4. Learn to communicate more and express your grievances
No matter how difficult talking to your partner may seem, it is one of the best ways to survive in an unhappy marriage or miserable marriage. If you remain silent and unavailable for too long, your spouse may fill that vacuum with their own opinions and perceptions. It can further sabotage an already damaged relationship. Talk to them about what’s bothering you and express whatever grievances you have regarding your relationship.
When you start talking and sharing with your partner, you will get an idea of their perspective as well. Good communication can help build up trust and open doors for more healthy conversations and fewer fights and conflicts.
5. Ask for professional assistance
If you really want to survive in your unhappy marriage, there is no shame in seeking help from an expert regarding that. Sometimes, people want to work things out, but they are clueless and don’t know what to do. It’s all right; life does not come with all the answers. But you can surely ask for support from a professional marriage counselor.
Marriage counseling can help you deal with your current issues and teach you how to find goodness in your marriage. With a third person there to listen to your complaints and help you find a middle ground, you will learn to treat each other fairly and solve your issues sooner.
6. Try to love yourself
While it may seem that marriage is all about loving your better half, it is also about self-love. How can you love another person if you don’t care for your own well-being? A lot of unhappy marriages are a result of a lack of self-love. When you stop loving yourself, a sense of unfulfillment starts brewing inside you.
Caught up in the responsibilities of married life, people tend to forget their passions and consequently feel unsatisfied with their marriage. Little do they realize that this dissatisfaction is not what’s wrong with their marriage. It’s the lack of self-love. Marital life can be overwhelming, yes, but it should not stop you from living your own life. Start meeting your friends again, keep pursuing your passions and do whatever you need to do to keep your individuality alive!
Continuing to put up with an unhappy marriage is a difficult decision indeed. But once you have made up your mind to stick with your partner and work out the differences, stand by it with patience.
Surviving in an unhappy marriage will not be easy, but you can make it work with mutual effort and compromises. And who knows, with constant struggle, you may even bring back the love you once had for each other.
